WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE WOAAAH
LLLena { Same Shit Different Day } ☂ 
I'm a big fan of television, movies and music. AND HANDSOME GUYS DUH I love discovering new tv shows, new fandoms, new artists. NEW FAVORITES TO UH STALK? LUST OVER?? I'm trying to start reading and writing again.
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm okay"
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'll try harder"
Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darlin'
I SALSA UR FACE
✌ robert downey jr. · ewan mcgregor · jude law · johnny depp · colin farrell · jim carrey · tom hanks · wentworth miller · kevin spacey · george clooney · jeff bridges · jeremy renner · geoffrey rush · simon pegg · nick frost · colin firth · brad pitt · nicolas cage · leonardo dicaprio · sean penn · paul rudd · jason segel · clint eastwood · paul newman · marlon brando · matt damon · mark wahlberg · aaron paul · tim roth · etc
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
HE ATE A BANANA
✌ quentin tarantino · tim burton · martin scorsese · stanley kubrick · coen brothers · danny boyle · steven spielberg · edgar wright · robert rodriguez · roman polanski · sidney lumet · david fincher · christopher nolan · alfred hitchcock · etc
Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a new moon on the rise
I had everything, opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
TALK DIRTY TO ME
✌ SONS OF ANARCHY · parks and rec · happy endings · friends · the good wife · supernatural · prison break · true blood · band of brothers · psych · lie to me · pushing daisies · harper's island · how i met your mother · torchwood · sons of anarchy · breaking bad · dexter · the it crowd · the office · etc
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And I really miss what really did exist
When I held your throat so tight
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
Almost came crashing to its side
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moved
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"You left me in the dark."
I was just thinking back about the past, and I remembered ever so randomly that the most bizarre thing I ever believed in was probably the fact that saliva contained calories. That, and that just by sniffing in the aroma of food, I would be sniffing in calories. Back then, I would go around hoarding toilet paper from toilets just so I could later spit saliva into it. At that point I didn't want to take chances swallowing anything. I guess the feeling of being in control was sweet. Being ignorant is a blessing in disguise. The more you know, the more you're responsible for, or the more it affects your choice of actions, seizes control over your subconscious.. Then there'll come to a time when you either succeed or give up completely- due to the way your mind, or rather your emotions, handle the information- the truths.
I am obviously not a fighter. I give up at first taste of failure. I give up before I can even push myself to try harder. When my subconscious receives new information, it always get turned into negative information. I panick about how this new information would affect the things I do.
Then, I decide to not decide anything, to not choose what to do-- because choosing means bearing the responsibilities, faults or regrets that would follow. However, not choosing is in itself already a decision. I don't usually regret being idle and complacent and not giving a damn, strangely.
Choosing to ignore the matters at hand, choosing to regard them non existent is a mistake- but somehow I feel that because I didn't choose anything, whatever happens after is not my fault.
There comes the thoughts of, is it so bad to make mistakes? Why do I need to fear being wrong. Even if past experiences have made me think this way, I should change. I should decide what I want to do with my life and really go for it. I should choose to care.
There was a time in the past when I felt like being indifferent about everything was really amazing. I mean, I adore fictional characters (eg Itachi from Naruto) who could block out all their emotions and treat everybody coldly. That was immature thinking of course. But still, if you were able to turn off completely, not feel anything, not allow your feelings to be the boss of you, I'm sure you could be a really remarkable person. Pain, anger, hurt.. jealousy. If we could turn our emotions off we probably wouldn't be human anymore.
Nevertheless, it would be a neat trick. Being ruled over by my emotions has become the way I live.
I don't know if I like the person I am now.
I remember that in the past, it felt like I was faking almost every smile. It was tiring. I always gave in, never said no, I tried to be really kind and appreciative and giving. Was that really who I was? Who I am? Because I don't think I could do that anymore. I am way too much of a cynic right now. I believe everyone puts on a facade in public. We all want to be liked. Usually when people seem nice, I believe they have their own reasons for seeming so. They don't actually care, they don't actually want to know how your day went. I guess that rules out close friends and family though. You don't need to be extremely nice around your family. Which is probably why sometimes we raise our voices at our family members but when our friends or some stranger does the same thing, we merely smile and say oh it's no problem really.
I think about the past a lot lately. About the good times, and the bad times, and the last four years of misery. I wasted four goddamn years. If I had had the same interests back then that I do now, maybe I could've had a +15% chance of making it into the television/film industry. I could've worked hard and took up some classes outside of school. I could've graduated from secondary and made it to polytechnic. I could obviously have done a million things with my life.
I should look ahead and work for the future instead of brooding over the past. I should everything and anything and something so I blahblahblah.
Only thing I'm glad I did was quitting and banning myself from all facebook games. Doesn't mean I'm doing better things with my time, but eh.
Ugh, I need more pictures in here. Next post needs to be a fun one (for me, at least).
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E-mail: EMAIL HERE
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30 day challenge / facts abt me <- aka more rl related
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