WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE WOAAAH
LLLena { Same Shit Different Day } ☂ 
I'm a big fan of television, movies and music. AND HANDSOME GUYS DUH I love discovering new tv shows, new fandoms, new artists. NEW FAVORITES TO UH STALK? LUST OVER?? I'm trying to start reading and writing again.
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm okay"
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'll try harder"
Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darlin'
I SALSA UR FACE
✌ robert downey jr. · ewan mcgregor · jude law · johnny depp · colin farrell · jim carrey · tom hanks · wentworth miller · kevin spacey · george clooney · jeff bridges · jeremy renner · geoffrey rush · simon pegg · nick frost · colin firth · brad pitt · nicolas cage · leonardo dicaprio · sean penn · paul rudd · jason segel · clint eastwood · paul newman · marlon brando · matt damon · mark wahlberg · aaron paul · tim roth · etc
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
HE ATE A BANANA
✌ quentin tarantino · tim burton · martin scorsese · stanley kubrick · coen brothers · danny boyle · steven spielberg · edgar wright · robert rodriguez · roman polanski · sidney lumet · david fincher · christopher nolan · alfred hitchcock · etc
Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a new moon on the rise
I had everything, opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
TALK DIRTY TO ME
✌ SONS OF ANARCHY · parks and rec · happy endings · friends · the good wife · supernatural · prison break · true blood · band of brothers · psych · lie to me · pushing daisies · harper's island · how i met your mother · torchwood · sons of anarchy · breaking bad · dexter · the it crowd · the office · etc
Follow my blog with Bloglovin
And I really miss what really did exist
When I held your throat so tight
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
Almost came crashing to its side
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moved
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things to do when in a slump
-fucking exercise, nothing feels better than the adrenaline. sprint, go for a spin class, hot yoga (another goal to keep in mind is to return to the gym. well, the yoga, since mama has been going to the gym with the same membership card)
-if you get bored or feel an oncoming slump with cycling, try other kinds of exercises. dance, karaoke, bowl, play tennis, swim, yoga, walk, shop, or just play some shit in the arcade damn man motivation okay just try different stuff. most important try not to do it alone because it's harder. get company! force company!!
-watch a movie. watch a guilty pleasure movie.
-stalk talented geniuses on flickr or clubsnap or etc. beautiful photography porn is a good motivator
-start planning a vacation for 2012
-read, read anything. magazines, newspapers, fanfiction. fucking fanfiction.
-draw
-music. sure, sometimes you're so low you don't feel like listening to anything. try different genres then. classical music never fails to inspire or liften moods
-get out of the fucking house. mostly down time occurs when you stay put and get bored if so, get out. try a movie, try shopping, or whatever. find company. try online friend making if necessary. i don't care.
-clean your bike
-offer to wash dad's car. it is seriously a dump. i will have to do this someday. it's quite fun, it seems. i like washing- clothes, dishes. well not hand washng clothes though.
-always try to find or do something new. learning new things is always inspiring. doing new things gets your brain thinking.
-i have to get back to exercise because it's so fucking effective. you just got to find the right pace, or even company, or even the right sport to try. even if you feel so shit you don't want to go out and you don't want to do any exercise, you will surely be thankful once you've done it. something relaxing, then something fun. you will be happy. exercise makes your brain process things properly. it makes you think. it makes you self aware. it clears your brain filter and makes things fresh. this is what i've realized today. after exercising, i couldn't understand how i could care so lousily and poorly for myself. how could i neglect my hygiene and not take a shower. how could i not sleep in comfortable places meant for sleeping. how could i stuff myself- really stuff myself with boxes and boxes of chocolates, loaves of bread, and disgusting crap piles of junk food? it feels so good, so clean when you eat healthy. i felt so much better in hokkaido because the food was natural and so fresh and i ate very heathily with a few exceptions of sweets and ice cream. it gave me so much energy and i felt lighter. i could also eat bigger portions because they were lower in calories. i don't count calories anymore, but it sucks when you eat a small portion of a certain food, and still gain weight because you could actually be eating a gigantic portion of yummy healthy clean food and stay fit.
-exercise clears the mind effectively. however, remember, when you hit a slump with any particular type of exercise, don't give up. don't quit, stop, complain, wail, moan, grumble and end up bingeing on foods so unholy your arteries and intenstines cower in fear as soon as it enters through your mouth. you simply diversify. trying new things, learning new things, doing new things- when will that ever fail. rotate your routines, mash things up, have fun, for fuck's sake.
exercise isn't- needn't be serious, forced, boring, dull and uninteresting.
you can either, change the environment, surroundings, indoors outdoors.
change the pacing, fast and short durations, or steady paced and longer durations.
you can do it in a group or with a partner or with a club or by yourself.
you can change the intensity, do it with music, go easy and have fun. kick a ball around, play catch. throw fribees and etc. there really is not end to the number of things you could try, to have fun and get some activity going in those muscles and your brains at the same time. really, it's a shame i don't do any of this- before. i will try to keep to this from now.
when you're in a slump, you're either stressed, tired, bored or all of the three. you've got to figure out a way to change things a bit. be flexible. take nothing too seriously. it's life. laugh, laugh, joke, find something comedic in every aspect of life because it makes you happy. it's not trying to bluff or cheat or be dishonest with yourself. no. how is being negative being honest to yourself anyway? because the truth is that happiness is fleeting and you work hard to achieve one moment of it but it always get washed away before you have the time to properly enjoy it? well obviously, as it's been said everywhere:
life is living in the moment. the right now is more important than the before or soon to come. enjoy every second, but don't try too hard to be spontaneous and energetic and try to be super fucking excited about everything because it becomes stressful when you force yourself to think about WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE THIS BETTER and then WHAT MORE CAN I DO TO MAKE THIS EVEN BETTER?!?!?!?!?! it doesn't end. you get exhausted and you give up and you subscribe to negativity because it's the lazy simple option where you don't feel guilty not trying. basically, enjoy. enjoy.
it's the journey that counts. not the destination. it's the hard work that makes everything rewarding, not the prize. after all you spend 99% on the journey, on the hard work and the 1% is the time you spend indulging in the success. it's not twisted. it's not stupid. why is hard work bad? because it's hard and tiring? why is the long, endless journey of endurance and perserverance and courage and determination bad? does it not build character? does it not contain the worthwhile memories? does it not lead you to where you go next? why has it got to be a torment? why? why do we want the easy way out? why do we give up so easily? why do we doubt, why are we cowardly, why are we weak? i guess we're all not perfect, and we're all just living in this world; every day, every day we try to get the best out of our time spent on this earth. sometimes we get sidetracked. sometimes we get lost. sometimes we get guided back. sometimes we get help. sometimes we learn to ask for help. sometimes we fight. sometimes we give up because we feel there's emptiness all around and nothing better will come. sometimes we just go to live through it all.
i don't know what sense i'm supposed to make. a post that was to be about suggestions of things to do when encountering down times has now turned into a post of ridiculous ramblings of life. but damn, i actually believe in the things i type. i believe in it.
i am happy to be me, to have what i have, obviously i can be better, and i have room for improvement, tons. i could do so many things if i set out to be. i could. i should. but these are not in my priorities. i love to move fast, and see results, because i am afraid i will get lost. i'm afraid i will move so slowly, i become stagnant and i die out. i am afraid i lose my way through taking all the time i need to move through, to improve. i am afraid it will be so gradual that i lose focus and forget my reasons.
but if i move too fast, i run out of energy, i crash, etc.
balance. pacing.
there's such a fine thin line between everything. do this, or do that, or don't choose and don't do anything and get either this, or get either that. what's right and what's wrong?
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observations realizations
-i miss tumblr, i miss it very, very much. it was part of me and i felt i was part of it. i miss it immensely since i quit. i miss the daily browsing of my dash, with all the colorful, delightful, gloriously spectacular graphics made by incredibly talented geniuses. i miss all the celebrities and eye candies on my dash. i miss fangirling to myself and obsessing over making graphics reblogging graphics and getting so high and spending my entire twenty four hours- almost- on tumblr. but an addiction is an addiction and an addiction especially as such addiction that is a bad addiction has to be stopped. i abandoned my tumblr, even though it would make me miserable. i miss it, but i'm happy i can do without it. i cannot let an online social networking site control my life. things have been good since i quit. i haven't deactivated because i'm not sure but right now i'm doing fine without it. i quit shortly before going on vacation to hokkaido, so i was pretty busy getting all the preparations and research done during then. i barely thought about tumblr, although i did have strong urges to go back. back from the holiday, i've forgotten what it is to tumblr and it's almost as if i'd never been addicted. i never clicked back to visit the site however. i feel like i missed out on so much and left so much behind and it feels like such a hassle to get back and catch up and chase after followers again because by now after almost a month of absence i'm sure i've lost half of all my followers and that's just the minimum. the others who are still following me are probably mostly dead empty dying accounts like mine is now becoming. anyhow, it doesn't help that tumblr changed the layout and everything and i feel confused and thus it makes it easier not to go back. since i've quit, i've managed to keep up with Janet's homework. almost. well only lately.. since i'd been preparing for the hokkaido trip. i was out alternate days getting the things i needed to take on the trip + clothes which i had little of since i grew fat every other day and nothing fit. then on the hokkaido trip i went out every day. and since getting back though i haven't gone out every day, i'd been cycling, just nearby. so i fulfilled all the criteria she requested. now i just keep going out daily and cycling.
i actually feel positive, and that scares me. i've been negative almost all the time because i'm so afraid of the curves of life that is definite. the up and downs. you enjoy one good moment and boom! the curve, the downs, they hit you like a tsunami, crushing all your hard work and motivation and it puts you in a downright slump. i hate slumps. i never manage to win the fights and wars with slumps. it defeats me and i will no longer let it. see? all this positive energy flowing out of me scares me. because i know soon, the dark, slummy down time will hit me unexpected and i will be miserable and i don't want to fall again. i never want to sink again. there are so many possibilities and opportunities and i've wasted too much time and i want to do so much. i cannot fail. if i fail, i cannot stay in that slump mode again. i must rise and emerge and conquer. i am the god of my life.
so anyhow, i believe even though i spent most of the week in hokkaido being grumpy and gloomy and moody, obsessing over how the tour package was not worth the money and how now we're made bankrupt almost thanks to my stupid suggestion to go to japan. the tour really was not worth it though. i'll blog about it in the next post, hopefully. i was worried about earning the money back and mostly i was not used to not being alone and having no personal space 24/7. i even felt that 'oh i'm surrounded by tons of folks but i'm still so alone' vibes and thoughts and I was depressing and depressed a little. it was stressful and i was exhausted and i had started the trip with too much enthusiasm it kind of killed my mood for the remainder of the week. but see, that's where it's bad. i could have controlled myself. i did try, but i didn't succeed. i let my mood get the better of me and now i semi regret it because i barely took many pictures or video and it's a total waste because there could have been so much good memories to be made and captured and i specially bought a camcorder for the trip. i was very bad at using it however. it contributed to my low mood too. i took shitty pictures and was unable to capture the beauty of the real life scenario in my picture. it was a disgrace.
i've realized i'm probably a little more mature too in the sense that i don't feel too much about having to try hard to impress somebody or show people who i am. you know? try to stand out and be special and etc. i think. i'm not sure. maybe it's because the people in the tour group were not people i felt i had to impress.
another observation realization thing is that i now know what i want to do next. i don't know if i can make enough money and become successful or what i want to be or do for a career but i don't worry about that right now.
Just. BELIEVE IT. I can make things happen.
Also, geeeeeeeeeeeez, I am very obsessed right now with sushi and wasabi and happy endings and starting flashforward and marathoning cult movies, b movies and obsessing over quentin tarantino and studying to be a film maker. also i will get a job so i can afford haagen daaz ice cream and i can buy it for myself and my family and also buy a new bike and train up to get fit and strong so i can go on cycling tours and hiking tours and explore and and and do all the adventurous stuff like extreme sports and etc because i need to try those. i will also learn to play the guitar, obsess over classical orchestras, and plan a way to meet johnny depp and other favorable celebrities. mostly, i will hope to find a way to meet kevin spacey after i watch richard III which hasn't opened its ticket sales to the public yet but i am excite
down time whaaat? oh man, just fucking reboot.
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I should make a proper post / review / picspam / something
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my blog is a mess but idc enjoy everything
UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD. UGH HAPPY ENDINGS IS SO GOOD.
CAN I CHANGE MY NAME TO MAX BLUM????
HAPPY ENDINGS IS AWESOME.
I LOVE THE CAST. I LOVE EVERYONE. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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goals 2011
I have no idea what I could or would be in the future; what aspirations or dreams to chase. However I do now know what I would like to do next. I need money, money, and money.
For now I feel there are things I feel strongly enough about that I want to earn my own cash to spend on them.
Importance level: HIGH
- JOB, part time or full time. sales or f&b (ikea, subway, starbucks, fast food eateries, supermarkets, electronic stores, video stores etc)
- EXERCISE, start cycling again + walking. (cycle daily, if not, walk for at least an hour)
WANTS:
-DRIVER'S LICENSE, motorbike, sign up for theory first.
-PHOTOGRAPHY, start from beginners need money for classes need money for equipment want to improve and explore all areas of photography!!!!!!!!!
-FILM MAKING, LEARN
-ACTING, TRY
-YOGA, PRACTICE
-ENGLISH, MASTER
-SHAKESPEARE, STUDY
-GUITAR/PIANO LESSONS
-TICKETS TO RICHARD III
-TRAVEL
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E-mail: EMAIL HERE
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30 day challenge / facts abt me <- aka more rl related
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