WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE WOAAAH
LLLena { Same Shit Different Day } ☂ 
I'm a big fan of television, movies and music. AND HANDSOME GUYS DUH I love discovering new tv shows, new fandoms, new artists. NEW FAVORITES TO UH STALK? LUST OVER?? I'm trying to start reading and writing again.
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm okay"
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'll try harder"
Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darlin'
I SALSA UR FACE
✌ robert downey jr. · ewan mcgregor · jude law · johnny depp · colin farrell · jim carrey · tom hanks · wentworth miller · kevin spacey · george clooney · jeff bridges · jeremy renner · geoffrey rush · simon pegg · nick frost · colin firth · brad pitt · nicolas cage · leonardo dicaprio · sean penn · paul rudd · jason segel · clint eastwood · paul newman · marlon brando · matt damon · mark wahlberg · aaron paul · tim roth · etc
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
HE ATE A BANANA
✌ quentin tarantino · tim burton · martin scorsese · stanley kubrick · coen brothers · danny boyle · steven spielberg · edgar wright · robert rodriguez · roman polanski · sidney lumet · david fincher · christopher nolan · alfred hitchcock · etc
Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a new moon on the rise
I had everything, opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
TALK DIRTY TO ME
✌ SONS OF ANARCHY · parks and rec · happy endings · friends · the good wife · supernatural · prison break · true blood · band of brothers · psych · lie to me · pushing daisies · harper's island · how i met your mother · torchwood · sons of anarchy · breaking bad · dexter · the it crowd · the office · etc
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And I really miss what really did exist
When I held your throat so tight
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
Almost came crashing to its side
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moved
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observations realizations
-i miss tumblr, i miss it very, very much. it was part of me and i felt i was part of it. i miss it immensely since i quit. i miss the daily browsing of my dash, with all the colorful, delightful, gloriously spectacular graphics made by incredibly talented geniuses. i miss all the celebrities and eye candies on my dash. i miss fangirling to myself and obsessing over making graphics reblogging graphics and getting so high and spending my entire twenty four hours- almost- on tumblr. but an addiction is an addiction and an addiction especially as such addiction that is a bad addiction has to be stopped. i abandoned my tumblr, even though it would make me miserable. i miss it, but i'm happy i can do without it. i cannot let an online social networking site control my life. things have been good since i quit. i haven't deactivated because i'm not sure but right now i'm doing fine without it. i quit shortly before going on vacation to hokkaido, so i was pretty busy getting all the preparations and research done during then. i barely thought about tumblr, although i did have strong urges to go back. back from the holiday, i've forgotten what it is to tumblr and it's almost as if i'd never been addicted. i never clicked back to visit the site however. i feel like i missed out on so much and left so much behind and it feels like such a hassle to get back and catch up and chase after followers again because by now after almost a month of absence i'm sure i've lost half of all my followers and that's just the minimum. the others who are still following me are probably mostly dead empty dying accounts like mine is now becoming. anyhow, it doesn't help that tumblr changed the layout and everything and i feel confused and thus it makes it easier not to go back. since i've quit, i've managed to keep up with Janet's homework. almost. well only lately.. since i'd been preparing for the hokkaido trip. i was out alternate days getting the things i needed to take on the trip + clothes which i had little of since i grew fat every other day and nothing fit. then on the hokkaido trip i went out every day. and since getting back though i haven't gone out every day, i'd been cycling, just nearby. so i fulfilled all the criteria she requested. now i just keep going out daily and cycling.
i actually feel positive, and that scares me. i've been negative almost all the time because i'm so afraid of the curves of life that is definite. the up and downs. you enjoy one good moment and boom! the curve, the downs, they hit you like a tsunami, crushing all your hard work and motivation and it puts you in a downright slump. i hate slumps. i never manage to win the fights and wars with slumps. it defeats me and i will no longer let it. see? all this positive energy flowing out of me scares me. because i know soon, the dark, slummy down time will hit me unexpected and i will be miserable and i don't want to fall again. i never want to sink again. there are so many possibilities and opportunities and i've wasted too much time and i want to do so much. i cannot fail. if i fail, i cannot stay in that slump mode again. i must rise and emerge and conquer. i am the god of my life.
so anyhow, i believe even though i spent most of the week in hokkaido being grumpy and gloomy and moody, obsessing over how the tour package was not worth the money and how now we're made bankrupt almost thanks to my stupid suggestion to go to japan. the tour really was not worth it though. i'll blog about it in the next post, hopefully. i was worried about earning the money back and mostly i was not used to not being alone and having no personal space 24/7. i even felt that 'oh i'm surrounded by tons of folks but i'm still so alone' vibes and thoughts and I was depressing and depressed a little. it was stressful and i was exhausted and i had started the trip with too much enthusiasm it kind of killed my mood for the remainder of the week. but see, that's where it's bad. i could have controlled myself. i did try, but i didn't succeed. i let my mood get the better of me and now i semi regret it because i barely took many pictures or video and it's a total waste because there could have been so much good memories to be made and captured and i specially bought a camcorder for the trip. i was very bad at using it however. it contributed to my low mood too. i took shitty pictures and was unable to capture the beauty of the real life scenario in my picture. it was a disgrace.
i've realized i'm probably a little more mature too in the sense that i don't feel too much about having to try hard to impress somebody or show people who i am. you know? try to stand out and be special and etc. i think. i'm not sure. maybe it's because the people in the tour group were not people i felt i had to impress.
another observation realization thing is that i now know what i want to do next. i don't know if i can make enough money and become successful or what i want to be or do for a career but i don't worry about that right now.
Just. BELIEVE IT. I can make things happen.
Also, geeeeeeeeeeeez, I am very obsessed right now with sushi and wasabi and happy endings and starting flashforward and marathoning cult movies, b movies and obsessing over quentin tarantino and studying to be a film maker. also i will get a job so i can afford haagen daaz ice cream and i can buy it for myself and my family and also buy a new bike and train up to get fit and strong so i can go on cycling tours and hiking tours and explore and and and do all the adventurous stuff like extreme sports and etc because i need to try those. i will also learn to play the guitar, obsess over classical orchestras, and plan a way to meet johnny depp and other favorable celebrities. mostly, i will hope to find a way to meet kevin spacey after i watch richard III which hasn't opened its ticket sales to the public yet but i am excite
down time whaaat? oh man, just fucking reboot.
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E-mail: EMAIL HERE
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30 day challenge / facts abt me <- aka more rl related
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