I'm a big fan of television, movies and music. AND HANDSOME GUYS DUH I love discovering new tv shows, new fandoms, new artists. NEW FAVORITES TO UH STALK? LUST OVER?? I'm trying to start reading and writing again.
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm okay"
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'll try harder" Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darlin'
I SALSA UR FACE
✌ robert downey jr. · ewan mcgregor · jude law · johnny depp · colin farrell · jim carrey · tom hanks · wentworth miller · kevin spacey · george clooney · jeff bridges · jeremy renner · geoffrey rush · simon pegg · nick frost · colin firth · brad pitt · nicolas cage · leonardo dicaprio · sean penn · paul rudd · jason segel · clint eastwood · paul newman · marlon brando · matt damon · mark wahlberg · aaron paul · tim roth · etc
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
HE ATE A BANANA
✌ quentin tarantino · tim burton · martin scorsese · stanley kubrick · coen brothers · danny boyle · steven spielberg · edgar wright · robert rodriguez · roman polanski · sidney lumet · david fincher · christopher nolan · alfred hitchcock · etc
Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a new moon on the rise
I had everything, opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
TALK DIRTY TO ME
✌ SONS OF ANARCHY · parks and rec · happy endings · friends · the good wife · supernatural · prison break · true blood · band of brothers · psych · lie to me · pushing daisies · harper's island · how i met your mother · torchwood · sons of anarchy · breaking bad · dexter · the it crowd · the office · etc
Follow my blog with Bloglovin And I really miss what really did exist
When I held your throat so tight
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
Almost came crashing to its side
Today I discovered happiness in cooking (for myself)
I hope I will continue to pursue happiness through cooking. Because it is really fun. I just hope that ultimately I will start cooking for my family. Actually, I already can, it's just that I don't wish to because I know they are all super fussy eaters and criticisms will be strongly had.
Anyway, is this what true happiness actually means? Loving yourself and taking care of yourself and choosing to reward yourself from time to time because you know you are worth it. It must be true because the most confident people in the world, I'm sure they rarely feel down. Most of the time we feel upset because we feel we are not living up to expectations or society standards and thus we beat ourselves up. For people with unhealthy self esteem like myself, I constantly live with the belief that I will never be happy. So it's kind of nice that I was able to find a little bit of happiness through something as simple as cooking myself a nice dinner.
This is what my dinner looks like. It's not very pretty or appetizing but it was reall delicious in my opinion.
What it is is this. The left two pictures are Steamed Silken Tofu with Salmon And Sweetcorn from this recipe! This was my favoriteeee dish today!! I just love the taste of tofu with corn and fish. I mean, the ingredients just went well together A LOT. I added way too much corn because I was a glutton though. In fact, all the recipes were cooking for more than one person but I ate them all by myself. Well, almost. There were leftovers of cause.
The top right picture is stir fried bitter gourd and long beans with eggs and tomato slices. Needless to say, I did burn that dish a bit. However, the vegetables were still under cooked. My mum said I should have added some water. Eh, I don't know. I'm a just beginner cook so I have that excuse. This recipe was from here.
And the last picture is just plain brown rice porridge. Which was really good also!! Overall I was extremely satisfied!! Yay I'm doing a review on my own cooking, how wonderful. I don't even bother to review food I eat out at expensive restaurants.
I have SO MANY recipes I want to try. Hopefully I'll keep my interest in cooking for longer than just.. a few weeks. Or less. Which is usually how long my interest in a particular thing seems to hold. Like guitar, like acting, like yoga, like sewing....
I made some chocolate tofu pudding too! But I haven't tried it. It looks not bad though. I need to remember to take a picture afterwards. And banana milkshake! But this one was terrible. I mixed the ingredients on my own so I guess it's expected it tasted not very good. Well actually it tasted fine but the milkshake was too too foamy and thick.
I wanna love cooking so bad. I wanna love cooking for others. But it's not cheap either. And I'm poor and broke and I wanna spend on so many other things like shopping and hair and nails and SHOES. And I really need to do more posts in this blog, some about my wishlists and a scrapbook of pictures of clothes I would like and aaah!
Oh yes, I just remembered. Note to self: DO NOT EVER DRINK COFFEE AND TEA ONE AFTER ANOTHER IMMEDIATELY. I was in such a caffeine high I felt so jittery and shaky.
Today was kinda nice. I was supposed to go for Japanese lesson but ended up staying at home to watch Suicide Circle by Shion Sono (FINALLY). I didn't stay at home to watch the movie but because I was having a bad headache, of course. The movie was really enjoyable though! Of course the beginning scene was kind of scary gory but overall I have not had so much fun watching a movie in AGES. I felt kind of not disappointed but expecting some kind of closure at the end of the movie but there was none. Oh well, I'm not the famous successful director and besides I think it's better the way it ended. Most movies that are so good and mindfuck movies or movies with twist sometimes end without much of a conclusion or up to your own interpretation etc which is horribly frustrating for me, but in a way it still leaves room for imagination and discussion.
I will need to rewatch the movie in future and give the idea of "Are you connected to yourself" more thought. I mean, I get it but I don't really get it. You are connected to your family, friends, etc, everyone around you. When you die, the connection remains. But when you die, does the connection to yourself remain? Are you even connected to yourself to begin with when you are alive? Most people aren't. I know I'm not also. But that's bad because you are you and you are not living your life for others.
Okay, many things have happened in the past few months. Basically Gen gave me the idea that we should go to Japan together. Then I couldn't go because it was too expensive. We had wanted to join a tour package to Hokkaido. I would have to make 2.5k by myself within 3-4 months. Getting a job isn't easy. Working isn't easy. I interviewed for a few f&b jobs and I was SO ON SO MOTIVATED to work but it went KAPUT. I tried out a Japanese restaurant for a 6 hr dinner shift and after that I never returned. I thought I wanted to start somewhere else instead (that also gave me a job) but I neglected that as well.
Basically, I got scared and ran away. No want commitment, run run!!
So now I've regressed back to square one and I have stopped bothering to find a job. Gen and I now want to go to Japan to study Japanese for 2 weeks. But we estimated it would cost like 5-6k??? Plus our shopping and food and accommodation expenses. That is really impossible for me. My dad's business is doing only all right. It's good we can still stay afloat and I can still buy expensive food to eat and eat a lot...
But I need to start work soon. I want to be able to have my own money, so I can treat my grandma and sister to dinner/lunch at nice places and buy them gifts. I want to shop for my clothes and shoes and everything a girl needs...! Make up, accessories. I want to indulge in hobbies and spend some money upgrading my bike and cycling more. I want to go o Japan as well, but I doubt I can save enough money anytime soon considering all my other expenses and all the other things I want to get.
I have been so depressed the past week because I have not gone out at all. Previously I was going out at least 6 days a week!! Super major huge improvement and now I'm back to square one. Slapped in the fucking face.
I have not been exercising (AGAIN), have been eating NON STOP (AGAIN) and feeling FUCKING FAT AND SHITY (AGAIN). But I still find it so hard to venture out............................
Also, Gen and I recently talked and discovered our mutual interest in finding out more about bdsm.
And I've started watching jdrama again!! Wanna pick up more Japanese faster (not really working but yeah). My English is getting really bad and I can't think hard anymore. I used to be able to solve math problems, difficult ones were my FAVORITE but now, thinking about the easiest things HURTS MY FUCKING BRAIN. I've regressed so much. I'm dying. I can't save myself. I've fallen into this deep dark pit and in my mind are the blackest most twisted fantasies that exist. I can't function properly anymore!! I can't even work for one hour. I get stressed so easily. I have severe mood swings and bipolar like symptoms every pre menstrual week.
MY GOD.
Okay, this are two of our bunnies.
GUESS WHOOOOO
yeah this bunny's gone to the neighbor's girl though. Since we can't keep too many anymore.
