WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE WOAAAH
LLLena { Same Shit Different Day } ☂ 
I'm a big fan of television, movies and music. AND HANDSOME GUYS DUH I love discovering new tv shows, new fandoms, new artists. NEW FAVORITES TO UH STALK? LUST OVER?? I'm trying to start reading and writing again.
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm okay"
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'll try harder"
Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darlin'
I SALSA UR FACE
✌ robert downey jr. · ewan mcgregor · jude law · johnny depp · colin farrell · jim carrey · tom hanks · wentworth miller · kevin spacey · george clooney · jeff bridges · jeremy renner · geoffrey rush · simon pegg · nick frost · colin firth · brad pitt · nicolas cage · leonardo dicaprio · sean penn · paul rudd · jason segel · clint eastwood · paul newman · marlon brando · matt damon · mark wahlberg · aaron paul · tim roth · etc
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
HE ATE A BANANA
✌ quentin tarantino · tim burton · martin scorsese · stanley kubrick · coen brothers · danny boyle · steven spielberg · edgar wright · robert rodriguez · roman polanski · sidney lumet · david fincher · christopher nolan · alfred hitchcock · etc
Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a new moon on the rise
I had everything, opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
TALK DIRTY TO ME
✌ SONS OF ANARCHY · parks and rec · happy endings · friends · the good wife · supernatural · prison break · true blood · band of brothers · psych · lie to me · pushing daisies · harper's island · how i met your mother · torchwood · sons of anarchy · breaking bad · dexter · the it crowd · the office · etc
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And I really miss what really did exist
When I held your throat so tight
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
Almost came crashing to its side
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moved
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k i l l j o y
Yesterday was just crash and buuuuuuuuuurn! And knew it would happen. I knew that positive light would be gone and negativism incoming. That don't make it no easier. Currently, I wake up super early in the morning- which is okay, there is more time to do things. Except, I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, noone to meet. Thus, I have sunken back into the depths of bingeing and self-loathing and it's even worse than ever before. I am now bingeing twice a day, at least, gigantic horrifying binges. It used to happen only once in the night, because I would wake up in the evenings back then. Now it's always and ever. I used to have a 7-8 hour grace period of letting my stomach rest before I would go to sleep and now it's all fucked. I eat and eat all the way right until the minute I fall asleep. I don't even sleep properly anymore. I don't even take care of showering. I just sit my dirty fat ass on the already dirty couch and fall asleep and I wake sometimes in the middle and it just isn't proper sleeping. Nothing is proper about my life anymore. It's all fucked. Fucking hell, I can't even enjoy a movie like I used to. I can't even stay up through the entire movie without falling asleep as soon as it starts. What is wrong with me?? Everything. I used to get so much out of movies. Loved every bit, I could watch it and really enjoy properly. Now I still do, except it's not the same anymore.
I wish I had legitimate reasons to be so fucked and worry and sometimes I think about shooting people in the head so I then had legitimate fucking problems.
On the other hand, I realized if consumed in large amounts, bleach can actually kill you. I think. I don't know. Because if it really could, why don't more suicides choose bleach, instead of jumping off the roof or hanging or slitting of wrists. Wouldn't it be easier or something? Or would you suffer the entire way through till you're out?
I should go out today. That fucking list I made, the one full of god awful suggestions about what to do when I feel this god awful way- I just don't feel like doing any of those things. I thought we were going to Mustafa today, but it turns out my sister is not coming along. It's not that big of a deal, except if it's just my mom, my brother and me, sometimes I get annoyed when she starts scolding him loudly in public and causing a fuss, or when he cannot stop disturbing her and thus provoking her. If it isn't that, he'd get bored, hot, tired, etc. It's just hard to go out together. Suddenly I don't think the idea of going to Mustafa is very great anymore. But if I stay at home again, I will most likely eat till my stomach explodes and I can't take it, I can't stop, it's horrible. I go to sleep feeling horrible like I could throw up anytime and I wish I would just throw up every time but it's also such a fucking hassle with all the cleaning up and disposing of evidence or whatsoever. I wake up with the feeling of throwing up because I gorged the night before, the day before, and the subsequent days before. But I can't throw up because I haven't done it in a long time and I make noises when I do so and it's supposed to be done in secret. I need to rest my stomach, give it a break, I need a cleanse. I need a cleanse in my life. Funny thing is the vacation we just took was sort of a cleanse already. Well it was certainly good for my digestive system because the food there was really fresh and healthy and the vegetables and fruit were sweet. Back home right now, nothing healthy tastes even remotely good and I could give fuck all to continue eating fresh and natural and healthy. But it did really help. Everything was good. Most of the time.
I don't know what to do. I feel the same despair from back when I didn't know what to do.
If I can't acquire a time machine, if I can't invent a time machine, if I can't build a time machine, if I can't meet a genie, if I can't be granted wishes to come true, if I can't win a million dollars, if I can't become anorexic again, if I can't be committed to life, if I can't be do anything, I would just have one simple request that tomorrow when I wake up, I will be an unsuspecting toad. Toad, frog, insect, bird, elephant, crocodile, shark..
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E-mail: EMAIL HERE
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30 day challenge / facts abt me <- aka more rl related
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