WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE WOAAAH
LLLena { Same Shit Different Day } ☂ 
I'm a big fan of television, movies and music. AND HANDSOME GUYS DUH I love discovering new tv shows, new fandoms, new artists. NEW FAVORITES TO UH STALK? LUST OVER?? I'm trying to start reading and writing again.
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm okay"
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'll try harder"
Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darlin'
I SALSA UR FACE
✌ robert downey jr. · ewan mcgregor · jude law · johnny depp · colin farrell · jim carrey · tom hanks · wentworth miller · kevin spacey · george clooney · jeff bridges · jeremy renner · geoffrey rush · simon pegg · nick frost · colin firth · brad pitt · nicolas cage · leonardo dicaprio · sean penn · paul rudd · jason segel · clint eastwood · paul newman · marlon brando · matt damon · mark wahlberg · aaron paul · tim roth · etc
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
HE ATE A BANANA
✌ quentin tarantino · tim burton · martin scorsese · stanley kubrick · coen brothers · danny boyle · steven spielberg · edgar wright · robert rodriguez · roman polanski · sidney lumet · david fincher · christopher nolan · alfred hitchcock · etc
Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a new moon on the rise
I had everything, opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
TALK DIRTY TO ME
✌ SONS OF ANARCHY · parks and rec · happy endings · friends · the good wife · supernatural · prison break · true blood · band of brothers · psych · lie to me · pushing daisies · harper's island · how i met your mother · torchwood · sons of anarchy · breaking bad · dexter · the it crowd · the office · etc
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And I really miss what really did exist
When I held your throat so tight
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
Almost came crashing to its side
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moved
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I have just finally watched Iron Man. Finally. I am at a lost for words. It was AMAZING. It was SO GOOD. THIS MOVIE ;A; I have loved Robert Downey so much in the past, despite not having completed at least 1/2 of his filmography. I just love him incredibly for the wonderful human being he is. This movie however, has grown my appreciation and admiration for him. I want to actually print STARK INDUSTRIES on everything I own and then some more. I want to create email addresses and change my billing address to STARK INDUSTRIES. Jeff Bridges is fantastic as Stane although I hate Stane as a character, if only because of the pain and trouble he caused Tony. I never expected to love Gwyneth as Pepper as much as I did. Tony and Pepper are perfect, and I loved their scenes together. I wish I could write reviews about movies I love and the things I love about those movies but my English is way bad. I don't even have the words to describe my love for these films without recycling the simplest basic words like love, etc. Anyhow, I don't know how to put in words my thoughts on the films anyway. They're always just garbled nonsensical keysmashing that occur in my head. akljfksdhfaskghfas I can't even paragraph and punctuate properly, fuck.
That said, I should really blog about my Universal Studios trip last week but I think I'll wait until I get the pictures from Gen, maybe. I mean maybe if I feel like it and I remember to then. It was good though. But everything else in my life wasn't. I tried swimming again, after years of not swimming, and I felt instant panic the moment I sank my head underwater. I only knew breast stroke so I swam that for a pathetic less than 5 incomplete laps and at the start, I was tensed and uncomfortable and I worried I would drown any minute. So I swam near the walls and never swam to the deep end but still I feared I would get sucked into the bottom of the pool and not be able to stand up or something. But heck it was tiring and embarrassing but I should do it again. I also tried squash for the second time and I think I could really get it if i actually put in more time to practice and practice hard, on my own. Also I have serious jealousy issues sometimes I think. I can't wait my turn, I find. And I get jealous of my sister in almost every scenario that we are doing something together and she's better at it or she gets more attention or time to try that thing. For instance, when we're cycling. I got really upset the other day when we three cycled together and we couldn't cycle far because my sister wasn't used to cycling far and I should have been appreciative and happy to cycle together because it was quite fun. Also, I usually am too lazy to cycle on my own so any little bits of cycling should have made me happy but the way my mind works is to apply a ALL OR NOTHING default to everything I do and most of the time I choose to do nothing because it's more comfortable that way.
I have managed to go out with the family even after eating food earlier in the day however, and taking meals outside. This is a new development. But on the terms of progressing with my life, I am turning TWENTY 20 20 20 20 and I have accomplished nothing more than failure and defeat and caused a great deal of disappointment and embarrassment to the people around me. I hate turning 20. I hate not doing anything with my life I hate not having a life I hate not having friends I hate not having interests everybody else has I hate not being able to dress well I hate not being able to socialize I hate being timid I hate all this but it's so easy to keep things this way I hate change because it's hard but things have to change because it's all going downhill and I'm turning 20 and nothing's nowhere and I have NO skill set whatsoever NO JOB experience NO O LEVELS I am FAT and INCOMPETENT and LAZY and UGLY and REALLY FAT
so anyway, my grandmother, I love her so much. She was at our house today and I was sleeping like the pig I am while she was here and my phone vibrated three times to the messages it was receiving and my grandmother was sitting near the phone so she looked at it. My mom said she exclaimed in dialect something along the lines of 'disgusting' or 'ugly' every time she looked at it for the three times it vibrated. My mom found that odd, so she asked what was it and my grandmother showed her the picture on my phone. A picture, I would like to add, of Robert Downey Jr that I had as my wallpaper. That my grandmother had mistaken for a picture sent by my friend, possibly of himself, to me, three times. I laughed for a really long time. I'm not sure which was more amusing to me. 1. That she thought I had such an attractive friend who would send me pictures of himself posing photoshoot style 2. That Robert Downey Jr was ugly or his very normal posing in that picture could be disgusting (unless she meant the act of someone sending me pictures of himself disgusting, and I believe it is the latter) 3. That she could assume and comment such things
There could have been worse pictures I could have chosen as my wallpaper. I'm actually secretly glad someone noticed my wallpaper because I have no social life and thus no friends to show it to. No one to proudly exclaim "I LOVE ROBERT DOWNEY JR, Y'KNOW?" to.
Baked cupcakes again today. Frosting was much better, but the end result of the cupcake still looks awful to me.
Dad got a new sofa and I'm much pleased by it because it doubles as a bed and I can fall asleep here in the living room.
Getting fat again, it seems I'm never going to move past this weight. It's hideous but I guess my priority is to just be happy. I'm scared of things but I must be brave.
I have ridiculous aspirations. I wish I could be like Charlie Chaplin. I adore his work and my only dream is to either make my own silent films or act in them. Or I would like to be a circus or attractions performer. I watched the monster rock musical at universals last week, and of course, voyage de la vie, and how I wished I could do the things they do. I don't have the skillsets, the money, the commitment, the trained from a young age body, but dreams aren't supposed to be stupid like reality. I just admire the work these people do. Entertaining the audience, performing every day, putting so much passion into every show. I would like to start off as a busker, and I would perfect skills such as miming, clowning, or contortions. I could work really hard at practicing yoga and maybe in many years to come, I could be a contortionist, and pick up clowning skills and work in the circus or some local production or travel the world meeting similar people. I could play the guitar along in my act. I just would love to do clowning or miming so much because my voice is practically useless, and the Singaporean accent is terrible. Also, to mime every thing I say is so much more fun and interactive.
Back on the Iron Man topic, I am so fucking excited for The Avengers DKHJkdsadakjfhakhdAIDHSai OKAY. I don't know how I could think I disliked Captain America but since I first saw it in the cinemas and I was dead tired that day, I'm going to rewatch it at home and I'm sure I'll love it. I mean, I loved Iron Man and Thor. I'm going to need to watch The Incredible Hulk too, if nothing for Edward Norton and Tim Roth. ALSO THOR. It was much better than I expected, of course, not as amazing as Iron Man, but it was enjoyable and Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston did incredible jobs in their roles. I almost cried a couple of times throughout the film.
GUH. Not looking forward to the rest of my life. I wish to wake up in a movie, or in somebody else's life. Something better, of course.
OR. OR. an alternate reality where I'm not such a fucking loser
or an alternate reality with the invention of time machines specifically for my use only. I would retain all my knowledge and memories of today but go back to live in my 13 year old self, with my 13 year old brains and 13 year old underweight body and my 13 year old life full of opportunities. BUT importantly retaining my knowledge of right now so I don't make the same stupid mistakes of being indecisive and untrue to myself. I wish I had more self confidence then. Some assertiveness. Belief that I deserved good things and that I could do what I wanted. I should have.
Even now, the indecisiveness continues to haunt me.
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E-mail: EMAIL HERE
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30 day challenge / facts abt me <- aka more rl related
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