WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE WOAAAH
LLLena { Same Shit Different Day } ☂ 
I'm a big fan of television, movies and music. AND HANDSOME GUYS DUH I love discovering new tv shows, new fandoms, new artists. NEW FAVORITES TO UH STALK? LUST OVER?? I'm trying to start reading and writing again.
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm okay"
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'll try harder"
Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darlin'
I SALSA UR FACE
✌ robert downey jr. · ewan mcgregor · jude law · johnny depp · colin farrell · jim carrey · tom hanks · wentworth miller · kevin spacey · george clooney · jeff bridges · jeremy renner · geoffrey rush · simon pegg · nick frost · colin firth · brad pitt · nicolas cage · leonardo dicaprio · sean penn · paul rudd · jason segel · clint eastwood · paul newman · marlon brando · matt damon · mark wahlberg · aaron paul · tim roth · etc
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
HE ATE A BANANA
✌ quentin tarantino · tim burton · martin scorsese · stanley kubrick · coen brothers · danny boyle · steven spielberg · edgar wright · robert rodriguez · roman polanski · sidney lumet · david fincher · christopher nolan · alfred hitchcock · etc
Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a new moon on the rise
I had everything, opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
TALK DIRTY TO ME
✌ SONS OF ANARCHY · parks and rec · happy endings · friends · the good wife · supernatural · prison break · true blood · band of brothers · psych · lie to me · pushing daisies · harper's island · how i met your mother · torchwood · sons of anarchy · breaking bad · dexter · the it crowd · the office · etc
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And I really miss what really did exist
When I held your throat so tight
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
Almost came crashing to its side
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moved
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"I came here to drink milk and kick ass."
<< Somewhat how I feel right now. Like my life just took a leap from a high rise building.
<3 <3 Joshua Jackson. Except derp, I haven't even watched much of Fringe yet. Was watching the DVD Cursed (borrowed from the library) when I thought he looked very familiar. So I.. googled. I need to watch more of Fringe. Speaking of Cursed, Milo Ventimiglia was in it. I kinda only decided to watch that show because I saw his name on the cover.
Except his role was kinda insignificant. Still, man, he was so so skinny back then. Really good performance from him nevertheless.
<< Anyway, here have a LOL gif to balance things out.
I guess what I would really, really like to do would be to work in television/film. I don't care what role, what job, I just want to be involved somehow. Some are awesome doing everything from acting, producing, directing, writing.. I previously wanted to act, but now I agree that a role behind the scenes is more suited to me. Maybe screenwriting, but I think I would really love being behind the cameras/involved in setting up the props/scene. Directing would be really amazing too, but that's years after I get into the scene.
Not that I have any hope that any of this would all work out. I wouldn't even know where to start. Besides, I've made them lose all trust in me. I have disappointed them in every way, everything I signed up for, and money is really tight right now. I have siblings who are still young and need the money for their education.
I guess my problem is I think of so many wonderful things to do, but my body cannot get the message. Like I said in the previous post, mind and body are disconnected. I know this for sure because whenever I eat, I don't feel anything. I just eat. I am bored, and I eat, despite having already eaten half the fridge. I don't enjoy the food, I don't take pleasure in any of it (maybe the first few bites. After that, I'm FULL so I start eating more bite sized stuff like my brother's sweet sugary biscuits and chocolates).
My mom just asked in exasperation, "Why can't you stop eating?!?!?! Control yourself BLAH BLAH BLAH" My mom is 99% given up. I understand why she's like that.
My mom makes a lot of comments that hint at my worthlessness. I think she thinks I'm an immature kid, who doesn't know how to feel guilty or responsible. The responsible part, I don't know, but I'm well aware of what problems I've been causing. Obviously, because mind and body cannot connect, all those guilty thoughts build and build and collect and my brain is almost exploding. But my body doesn't feel it. My body just goes ahead and plops its fat ass in front of the computer and the hands just keep chucking food into the mouth.
But I know. I know when you say stuff like (to my brother, when he doesn't want to go out for dinner with her- which means he'd be alone with me) "Bryan, you better come with me. Even if you're alone or not alone (at home), you're still alone!" Obviously I can't remember the exact phrase, but that obviously translates to YOUR FUCKING SISTER CANNOT TAKE CARE OF YOU MAN, SHE CAN ONLY EAT HERSELF TO DEATH SO YOU BETTER COME WITH ME OTHERWISE SHE'LL EAT YOU TOO
Then just now she tells my brother about not flinging water everywhere when he washes his hands UNLIKE HIS TWO OTHER SISTERS. Lol, okay maybe so she included my sister, but whatever. You get that she likes to make comments that aren't so subtle after all. Passive aggressiveness, is what they call it. Trying to be aggressive in a passive way. Here's a good site for examples. http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com
It happens quite often. She tells my brother he better work hard and do his homework otherwise he'll be worthless, have no education, have no future, be doomed. And I'm hearing all that, and I'm thinking, oh wow, that is me!
Okay lol this "happy" post ends up being a complain post. Nice job, self.
My thoughts right now? Uggggggh to go or not to go for yoga tomorrow. HAHA, seriously self, you blow me.
My mom shouts that I would use this binging as an excuse not to go aka complain that my stomach is too unwell to go. I am afraid that she would be right. That I use this overeating to escape my responsibilities. Actually, deep down, I know I do. I know I already am so accustomed to using overeating as a coping mechanism. To cope with what though, I don't know. Fear? Anxiety? On the outside, I seem so calm though. I wonder why I would even be anxious or fearful.
Why is it so hard for me to just go out for my yoga and enjoy myself? I don't know! I hate that I can't figure this out. Maybe I don't want to because it'll change things/cause a volcano eruption..
Admittedly though? I am scared. I don't even know if I can describe it as scared, or anxious, or whatever. But it's an unpleasant feeling. Hurr, maybe I am just only lazy after all .
A funny picture to close.. (funny to me, at least!)
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E-mail: EMAIL HERE
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30 day challenge / facts abt me <- aka more rl related
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