WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE WOAAAH
LLLena { Same Shit Different Day } ☂ 
I'm a big fan of television, movies and music. AND HANDSOME GUYS DUH I love discovering new tv shows, new fandoms, new artists. NEW FAVORITES TO UH STALK? LUST OVER?? I'm trying to start reading and writing again.
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm okay"
"I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'll try harder"
Don't be afraid to dream a little bigger darlin'
I SALSA UR FACE
✌ robert downey jr. · ewan mcgregor · jude law · johnny depp · colin farrell · jim carrey · tom hanks · wentworth miller · kevin spacey · george clooney · jeff bridges · jeremy renner · geoffrey rush · simon pegg · nick frost · colin firth · brad pitt · nicolas cage · leonardo dicaprio · sean penn · paul rudd · jason segel · clint eastwood · paul newman · marlon brando · matt damon · mark wahlberg · aaron paul · tim roth · etc
Secondly, don't let anyone ever make you feel like you don't deserve what you want.
HE ATE A BANANA
✌ quentin tarantino · tim burton · martin scorsese · stanley kubrick · coen brothers · danny boyle · steven spielberg · edgar wright · robert rodriguez · roman polanski · sidney lumet · david fincher · christopher nolan · alfred hitchcock · etc
Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
When there's a new moon on the rise
I had everything, opportunities for eternity
And I could belong to the night
TALK DIRTY TO ME
✌ SONS OF ANARCHY · parks and rec · happy endings · friends · the good wife · supernatural · prison break · true blood · band of brothers · psych · lie to me · pushing daisies · harper's island · how i met your mother · torchwood · sons of anarchy · breaking bad · dexter · the it crowd · the office · etc
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And I really miss what really did exist
When I held your throat so tight
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
Almost came crashing to its side
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Super ~positive~ post
I've had a remarkable day. I did say in the previous post that I wouldn't use the computer in the night. Because browsing the internet aimlessly leads to mindless snacking. I'm going to just make an exception for blogging. Hopefully this isn't cheating.
17 June 2010: Climbed up a wall of 30 meters. Like spiderman, only cooler. Yeah you better believe it. Then I did yoga, a hot flow class. I'm not exactly sure how I feel, but I think I'm glad to pick up yoga again. I want to keep up regular classes. I know it will benefit me both emotionally and physically. I used to really enjoy my home practice, copying moves off youtube instructional videos. However, I think after a few months of daily practice with cycling, I started to get tired. Probably physically, and also tired of the same routine.
Not to blame dad, but I feel like his words did contribute to my decision to eventually stop yoga. Of course, it is my decision, and I can only blame myself for giving up. Still, I wish he had told me to push on when I shared that I was feeling less keen about the yoga, and lazy. He told me to give it break. Pretty much convinced me that it was okay if I didn't practice for a week------
I interrupt this blog entry to say that there's a gigantic cockroach crawling in the wrapper of the food I just ate omg. Seriously, what is with this house and its bugs and ants and unidentified unknowns. Must resist running away from this spot----
Yeah so anyway, I was feeling bad about skipping my yoga practice back then. Dad says take it easy. I took it easy. I relaxed and didn't do the yoga. Only I forgot to start my practice again. Well, not forgot. The guilt ate at me every day. Instead of dealing with it, I tried turning to comfort food to eat away my guilt. Oh the horror of my regrets.
After so many months, and weight gain, doing yoga again feels quite good actually. I like how I feel after the class. I'm also not as worried about struggling with the poses and breathing as I used to. I guess I learned acceptance. I hope so, at least. It's not a competition, its for health benefits, and pure enjoyment. So I will damn well have fun with it. The heat really gives a detoxification kind of effect, which is good. I have never enjoyed sweating like this. I don't want to give up on it again..
I want to persevere.. to find my self discipline. I have not lost it, I just need to find it again. I will give myself time. I will try to forgive and forget. I will try to value myself, and not do things that harm my well being. I won't think negative. I'll do the things I plan, I'll start changing step by step. Because I don't like the old me. I am a burden to my family. I don't like the old me way of living my life. It's hard to shed the dirty old habits.. because the past tends to stick on and poke its head out in the present every now and then.
Whatever I couldn't do, or did in the past, it's over. I can't go back. But I can build my future. I do want to be different. I want to think about things besides food and sleep and internet.
I need to find my inspiration. For times when I feel awful and distressed. I need to find reason to continue. One mistake does not lead to a chain of mistakes. I used to believe that one good day equals to double the amount of bad days, but that's incredibly stupid. People make hundreds of decisions every day that they are not aware of. One of the reasons why I think yoga is beneficial is that it helps you find yourself.
I'm probably going to make this a long and serious and boring post while waiting for my late night dinner to digest.
Dear self, you can do better than you believe you can. Never limit yourself to your past experiences and low self confidence. Whenever you feel down, remember that you are unbeatable. In life, you fight on the offensive, you don't run in defense to the lemons or oranges life throws at you.
It doesn't matter if you don't know what you truly want. Nobody does. Often we think we do and we may end up wrong. But we cannot always be right. We can still learn from our mistakes. Reflect. You have been trying to avoid socializing and dealing with stress since years ago in secondary one. Your father did not teach you to run and hide like that. It is the easy way out, but you're left with unpleasant thoughts, and your self confidence takes a beating in despair. If you never try, you regret not trying. Because you think of the millions of possibilities that could have happen if you tried. But if you did try and made a mistake, it's a learning experience. And you get to pat yourself on the back for being a good sport.
You're a slave to misery and laziness, you know that. Don't let food and laziness own your life. Sometimes your judgment gets clouded and foggy. You may want to take a step back, relax a little, laugh a little, then evaluate things from a different pov.
To commemorate the start of a new beginning, a new something.. these are the positive things you like about yourself:
-though you may not have attended school for the past few years, though whatever happened, happened, haven't you gained a new perspective in life?
-you're more matured than you used to be. even more than some other teenagers your age.
-you may not have had much success with changing your habits thus far, but you have succeeded in realizing that change is necessary. work at it a bit at a time.
-you take care of your hygiene
-you love your family, and you care for your friends
I don't know how long this "good positive thinking and feeling" will last.. but I don't want it to ever fade.
I have to say, getting caught up in wanting to cosplay again might have inspired some of that. Not all, but some. I'm just excited, and would very much like to cosplay at cosfest. Just pretty much a closet cosplay, but it's JoJo, and it's been a while since I've had plans. I'm really looking forward, and I want to put in my best. I don't want to go back to my old ways after cosfest though. But, I'll be okay :)
I feel like this post is so jumbled up and extremely lengthy, but it's the way I like to babble. Pictures would definitely make this a more fun post, but maybe later.
Because I'm out of things to blog about:
 suggested by Crazy Blog Lady"What is one thing you think that everyone should know how to do?"
suggested by Crazy Blog Lady"What is one thing you think that everyone should know how to do?"
suggested by Victorian Furnishings"What is your favorite age? If you could stay that age forever, would you?"
suggested by Jaded Muse"Write about something you lost. It could be a person; a pet, a day of the week, an article of clothing. Anything. How did the loss make you feel?"Labels: too many words
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30 day challenge / facts abt me <- aka more rl related
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